1. What are your feelings about traditional bachelor/bachelorette parties? Nothing wrong with them... But the whole "hire a stripper" thing is getting old... there needs to be a new idea... not sure exactly what that would be... but strippers can be a bad thing... ever see the movie Very Bad Things?
2. Do you wear (or not wear) something special to bed/dress differently when you want to have sex? No... either way I'm naked...
3. Do you ever fake orgasms? I actually have once... Ugly girl, sympathy shag, and another time where I just couldn't seem to get off... as opposed to trying for 2 or 3 hours I pretended to come...
4. Do you own any leather or rubber clothing? nope... well... leather shoes, and a pair of leather pants from a halloween costume from last year, but I don't wear them...
5. On a scale from 1-10, how willing are you to do something in bed you don't want to just because you are asked? If its something my partner liked, or wanted to try, and as long as its nothing illegal, i'd say 9... more than anything its about making sure my partner is having a good time...
Bonus: Can men and women be "just friends?" Technically, yes... but typically one of the 2 (usually the male) has other feelings in mind... I know I have problems with keeping friendships just friendly
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Paramour: Ryan V
As I mentioned a couple times in my blog in the past I work as a call router for customer service for a big name business... That sounds all well and good, but in reality what I do is answer the phone listen to someone's problems, push 3 or 4 buttons and send them to someone else to deal with... pretty simple job, and it pays decent compared to the work I do... on good days I'll route 200-300 calls... on slow days 20-50... luckily I don't get paid per call, but on an hourly rate... the good thing about my job is the hours... i can work basically my own hours as long as I reach at least 20 per week... granted, I try to get 40 or more... A lot of times, if the first shift is getting slow calls they'll call me before I go in and tell me to take the day off.. not with pay, but still, an impromptu day off is always great...
Its the days that you only get a call once every 10-15 minutes that seem to drag on... and we've had a few of those days lately, probably because of thanksgiving and all, people putting their problems off for the time being... There's games on the computer and all... but I've played minesweeper so many times that I feel I could go to the middle east and defuse every mine field known to man.... so I spend my time doing other things, things I'm great at, like flirting...
Not with the people calling in mind you, that'd get me shit canned in a heartbeat, plus, its mostly old ladies calling in, not that I'm against hooking up with an older woman, but not when they're in their 60s or 70s, I'm not a granny banger... I'm not that desperate... yet...
But there are a lotta sexy coworkers of various ages that I'm more than willing to flirt with... most flirt back, and thus far I've only gotten in trouble once... I got a stern talking to about sexual harassment by our team supervisor who is a woman in her thirties that, if the situation was different (as in she not being my supervisor), I would have slept with already... I've even hooked up with a couple coworkers over the past year... so the flirting works... and lucky for me, the employees are 80% female, so the odds are always in my favor...
Anyway, once in a while we'll get some new people coming in... the company we work for throws money at us, but instead of raising our pay, they hire more people.... which is cool... people need jobs and all, and we get periodical raises every 6 months that we work there....
There was a training class of 5 or 6 people just a couple weeks ago... They let the new hires sit down and listen to us take calls so they can get a feel of it... they spend 3 days, listening to a different person everyday, on the phone with us... I was lucky enough to get a sexy new hire named Ryan sitting next to me listening to calls...
Now, before ya get any ideas, Ryan is a female... with a guy's name... which, in itself, is strangely hot... As soon as I started flirting with her the girls around me had that "Oh he's at it again" look on his face... and I was...
Ryan is 23, out of college, and like so many college kids now-a-days (including me probably) schooling didn't get them a job right out of college... We chatted in between calls (10 minutes at a time) about college, family, lots of other stuff, and before I knew it, it was lunch break and Ryan was giving me a BJ in her car... needless to say that oral sex is a nice icebreaker...
I promised to return the favor the next time we worked the same hours, since we have a half-hour break and the blow job lasted 35 minutes before I could get off... We got yelled at for being late, written up for it, and went about our day... The next day I got called off, and the day after, a Friday I believe, she didn't come to work... the following Monday me and her were both working... she reminded me that I still had a favor to return, and when she said that her face lit up and the shadow of her cheek bones made a U-shape when she smiled...She told me she hadn't gotten any for over a year, I was gonna mention that I haven't gotten anything since the day before, but figured that might kill the mood...
Calls were coming slow... it seemed like an eternity until lunch break... and speaking of time, my dick was pointing straight up in my lose-fitting jeans, if there was sun in the office I'd be a sun dial.. Ryan and me rushed out to her car, in seconds she had her panties off and skirt hiked up and I was more than returning the favor... I've had a lotta practice with going down on women, most of the time I can get women off with my tongue and fingers in 5-10 minutes... We had enough time for me to get her off twice before we went back in and finished our day...
Now that I think of it, she got me off once, I got her off twice... I think she owes me one...
Its the days that you only get a call once every 10-15 minutes that seem to drag on... and we've had a few of those days lately, probably because of thanksgiving and all, people putting their problems off for the time being... There's games on the computer and all... but I've played minesweeper so many times that I feel I could go to the middle east and defuse every mine field known to man.... so I spend my time doing other things, things I'm great at, like flirting...
Not with the people calling in mind you, that'd get me shit canned in a heartbeat, plus, its mostly old ladies calling in, not that I'm against hooking up with an older woman, but not when they're in their 60s or 70s, I'm not a granny banger... I'm not that desperate... yet...
But there are a lotta sexy coworkers of various ages that I'm more than willing to flirt with... most flirt back, and thus far I've only gotten in trouble once... I got a stern talking to about sexual harassment by our team supervisor who is a woman in her thirties that, if the situation was different (as in she not being my supervisor), I would have slept with already... I've even hooked up with a couple coworkers over the past year... so the flirting works... and lucky for me, the employees are 80% female, so the odds are always in my favor...
Anyway, once in a while we'll get some new people coming in... the company we work for throws money at us, but instead of raising our pay, they hire more people.... which is cool... people need jobs and all, and we get periodical raises every 6 months that we work there....
There was a training class of 5 or 6 people just a couple weeks ago... They let the new hires sit down and listen to us take calls so they can get a feel of it... they spend 3 days, listening to a different person everyday, on the phone with us... I was lucky enough to get a sexy new hire named Ryan sitting next to me listening to calls...
Now, before ya get any ideas, Ryan is a female... with a guy's name... which, in itself, is strangely hot... As soon as I started flirting with her the girls around me had that "Oh he's at it again" look on his face... and I was...
Ryan is 23, out of college, and like so many college kids now-a-days (including me probably) schooling didn't get them a job right out of college... We chatted in between calls (10 minutes at a time) about college, family, lots of other stuff, and before I knew it, it was lunch break and Ryan was giving me a BJ in her car... needless to say that oral sex is a nice icebreaker...
I promised to return the favor the next time we worked the same hours, since we have a half-hour break and the blow job lasted 35 minutes before I could get off... We got yelled at for being late, written up for it, and went about our day... The next day I got called off, and the day after, a Friday I believe, she didn't come to work... the following Monday me and her were both working... she reminded me that I still had a favor to return, and when she said that her face lit up and the shadow of her cheek bones made a U-shape when she smiled...She told me she hadn't gotten any for over a year, I was gonna mention that I haven't gotten anything since the day before, but figured that might kill the mood...
Calls were coming slow... it seemed like an eternity until lunch break... and speaking of time, my dick was pointing straight up in my lose-fitting jeans, if there was sun in the office I'd be a sun dial.. Ryan and me rushed out to her car, in seconds she had her panties off and skirt hiked up and I was more than returning the favor... I've had a lotta practice with going down on women, most of the time I can get women off with my tongue and fingers in 5-10 minutes... We had enough time for me to get her off twice before we went back in and finished our day...
Now that I think of it, she got me off once, I got her off twice... I think she owes me one...
Saturday, November 28, 2009
10 Things I Was Thankful For This Thanksgiving
#10. I'm thankful for: Road trips.
Every year me and the family take a long trip to my mom's mom's house in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. My grandmother goes all out for thanksgiving and I could smell the food before we even left NY at an ungodly hour. We left at 4 am, the day before Thanksgiving... Since my mom has a fear of flying it was a long road trip.
#9. I'm thankful for: The family that went with us.
The whole clan didn't tag along. Anna and Michael, my oldest bro and sis had thanksgiving with their spouses families, and the twins, Donavan and Domenic spent thanksgiving at their dad's house. Since we all have different fathers (Except for Don & Dom of course) its hard for all of us to spend holidays together every time. But it was still a big family going. My mom, Cheryl, my sisters Zoe, Ariana, and McKenzie, and me. 4 females and me, in a van, for hours.
#8. I'm thankful for: My estrogen-immune masculinity.
OK, sure... no guy, no matter what he says is 100% immune to large masses of estrogen... But I made it through with my sanity.. Despite all the "Oh my god, Gramma's food is gonna make me so bloated," "My shoes are killing me, but they're so cute," and "Do these jeans make my ass look fat?" I made it through the trip with out any twitching in my eyes or thoughts of murdering any of my female siblings. That's a victory in itself.
#7. I'm thankful for: Vans with semi-private back seats.
#6. I'm thankful for: An understanding family.
I got the backseat to myself... McKenzie and mom were up front, Zoe and Ariana were in the second row and I had the last row of seats to stretch my legs out... The 4 girls were lots in their own conversations, which I didn't want to interrupt, so that left my mind free to wander. Which isn't a good thing. My thoughts went to my friend Lucia, and what we got into the day before. Needless to say, minutes later I was harder than William Shatner in a William Shatner museum. My hand started to rub my dick through my pants, but I stopped myself before I was caught. I still had my sweat pants on at the time since I never changed when I woke up. Kinda hard to hide an average hard-on in sweat pants, let alone one my size. But I tried to let it go and closed my eyes trying to get some sleep. a minute later I hear Ariana say "Jesus, Landon, when do you not have a boner?" Ariana was turned around in her seat making fun of me, I replied, in a sibling rivalry manner with "Just because your boyfriend can't get it up around you, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." I got punched in the shoulder. My mom told us to knock it off in a weak, not-that-it-matters tone. Ariana and Zoe continued to make fun of my erection for about half an hour. Hitting me with zingers like "Are you trying to pitch a tent in your pants?" and "Can we stop and buy a flag, and hang it on Landon's dick to make it useful?" Eventually my mom got frustrated and said "Landon, why don't you just take care of it so your sisters will be quiet?" I was kinda taken aback by that comment, and my mom mentioned "I mean, we walk in on you jerking off or having sex like every week anyway, so what's it matter?" I declined, and several minutes later I figured, hey, that's not such a bad idea, so I took out my dick and started masturbating, shortly after I started Ariana turned around to make fun of me, but the joke was on her, seeing me jack off and all. She screamed and mom yelled back at me to at least cover up with a blanket. I got Zoe's blanket she brought and put it over myself and finished up. It awas rather awkward, but it would have been worse for me if I just let it go. Plus, it helped me get to sleep.
#5. I'm thankful for: The fact that me and my grandmother share the same sense of humor.
We arrived at my grandmother's house after a hellacious (and for me at one point orgasmic) car trip. Grandma greeted us each and then went right to judging my mom. One of the first questions she asked my mom was "Who are you fucking this week?" Its not secret, not even to my grandmother, that my mom "gets around." She explained her current boyfriend to grandmother, she replied something about my mom getting arrested because he is only 20, perfectly legal, but a large age gap. My mom had to remind her that 18 and up is legal in most states. After some more judgment from Grandma, we all got along again.
#4. I'm thankful for: Old friends...
#3. I'm thankful for: Hotel rooms.
Shortly after getting there, and not long after being judged by Grandma, my mom decided it'd be best to get a hotel room. I had other things on my mind. I've always kept in touch with friends from that area since we lived there a few years ago. I called up Kelly, a high school fuck buddy I haven't seen since 11th grade or so, and told her to meet me at the hotel. She did, and since most of my family went out shopping, except for Zoe, we decided to remember old times and see how we've changed. I've gotten bigger in some areas since high school, and so did she. Kelly gained a lot of weight, but who doesn't after high school? She was still as eager as ever. Zoe locked herself in the bathroom while me and Kelly made use of the hotel bed (Same bed I had to share with my youngest Sister, McKenzie. Luckily there was no random nighttime boners or awkward morning wood lol). Unfortunately we didn't finish before Zoe got out, but instead of being in the same room with me having sex, she went for a walk. Me and Kelly finished after about an hour and a half of reminding me why I spent all my time at her place during high school.
#2. I'm thankful for: Food, and lots of it...
Grandma make tons of food for Thanksgiving lunch (We have lunch instead of dinner for some reason). I ate 3 1/2 plates of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn, peas, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, and a slice of pumpkin pie to finish it off.
#1. I'm thankful for: Going home.
Thanks to the tryptophan, I slept most of the way home, no masturbation needed. I love visiting family and all, but love home even more.
Every year me and the family take a long trip to my mom's mom's house in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. My grandmother goes all out for thanksgiving and I could smell the food before we even left NY at an ungodly hour. We left at 4 am, the day before Thanksgiving... Since my mom has a fear of flying it was a long road trip.
#9. I'm thankful for: The family that went with us.
The whole clan didn't tag along. Anna and Michael, my oldest bro and sis had thanksgiving with their spouses families, and the twins, Donavan and Domenic spent thanksgiving at their dad's house. Since we all have different fathers (Except for Don & Dom of course) its hard for all of us to spend holidays together every time. But it was still a big family going. My mom, Cheryl, my sisters Zoe, Ariana, and McKenzie, and me. 4 females and me, in a van, for hours.
#8. I'm thankful for: My estrogen-immune masculinity.
OK, sure... no guy, no matter what he says is 100% immune to large masses of estrogen... But I made it through with my sanity.. Despite all the "Oh my god, Gramma's food is gonna make me so bloated," "My shoes are killing me, but they're so cute," and "Do these jeans make my ass look fat?" I made it through the trip with out any twitching in my eyes or thoughts of murdering any of my female siblings. That's a victory in itself.
#7. I'm thankful for: Vans with semi-private back seats.
#6. I'm thankful for: An understanding family.
I got the backseat to myself... McKenzie and mom were up front, Zoe and Ariana were in the second row and I had the last row of seats to stretch my legs out... The 4 girls were lots in their own conversations, which I didn't want to interrupt, so that left my mind free to wander. Which isn't a good thing. My thoughts went to my friend Lucia, and what we got into the day before. Needless to say, minutes later I was harder than William Shatner in a William Shatner museum. My hand started to rub my dick through my pants, but I stopped myself before I was caught. I still had my sweat pants on at the time since I never changed when I woke up. Kinda hard to hide an average hard-on in sweat pants, let alone one my size. But I tried to let it go and closed my eyes trying to get some sleep. a minute later I hear Ariana say "Jesus, Landon, when do you not have a boner?" Ariana was turned around in her seat making fun of me, I replied, in a sibling rivalry manner with "Just because your boyfriend can't get it up around you, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." I got punched in the shoulder. My mom told us to knock it off in a weak, not-that-it-matters tone. Ariana and Zoe continued to make fun of my erection for about half an hour. Hitting me with zingers like "Are you trying to pitch a tent in your pants?" and "Can we stop and buy a flag, and hang it on Landon's dick to make it useful?" Eventually my mom got frustrated and said "Landon, why don't you just take care of it so your sisters will be quiet?" I was kinda taken aback by that comment, and my mom mentioned "I mean, we walk in on you jerking off or having sex like every week anyway, so what's it matter?" I declined, and several minutes later I figured, hey, that's not such a bad idea, so I took out my dick and started masturbating, shortly after I started Ariana turned around to make fun of me, but the joke was on her, seeing me jack off and all. She screamed and mom yelled back at me to at least cover up with a blanket. I got Zoe's blanket she brought and put it over myself and finished up. It awas rather awkward, but it would have been worse for me if I just let it go. Plus, it helped me get to sleep.
#5. I'm thankful for: The fact that me and my grandmother share the same sense of humor.
We arrived at my grandmother's house after a hellacious (and for me at one point orgasmic) car trip. Grandma greeted us each and then went right to judging my mom. One of the first questions she asked my mom was "Who are you fucking this week?" Its not secret, not even to my grandmother, that my mom "gets around." She explained her current boyfriend to grandmother, she replied something about my mom getting arrested because he is only 20, perfectly legal, but a large age gap. My mom had to remind her that 18 and up is legal in most states. After some more judgment from Grandma, we all got along again.
#4. I'm thankful for: Old friends...
#3. I'm thankful for: Hotel rooms.
Shortly after getting there, and not long after being judged by Grandma, my mom decided it'd be best to get a hotel room. I had other things on my mind. I've always kept in touch with friends from that area since we lived there a few years ago. I called up Kelly, a high school fuck buddy I haven't seen since 11th grade or so, and told her to meet me at the hotel. She did, and since most of my family went out shopping, except for Zoe, we decided to remember old times and see how we've changed. I've gotten bigger in some areas since high school, and so did she. Kelly gained a lot of weight, but who doesn't after high school? She was still as eager as ever. Zoe locked herself in the bathroom while me and Kelly made use of the hotel bed (Same bed I had to share with my youngest Sister, McKenzie. Luckily there was no random nighttime boners or awkward morning wood lol). Unfortunately we didn't finish before Zoe got out, but instead of being in the same room with me having sex, she went for a walk. Me and Kelly finished after about an hour and a half of reminding me why I spent all my time at her place during high school.
#2. I'm thankful for: Food, and lots of it...
Grandma make tons of food for Thanksgiving lunch (We have lunch instead of dinner for some reason). I ate 3 1/2 plates of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn, peas, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, and a slice of pumpkin pie to finish it off.
#1. I'm thankful for: Going home.
Thanks to the tryptophan, I slept most of the way home, no masturbation needed. I love visiting family and all, but love home even more.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
TMI Tuesday #214
1. Is there an entertaining story attached to (women) your first bra / (men) your first jockstrap? My first jock strap? I've never owned, nor as far as I can remember worn, a jock strap... i wish I had an entertaining jock strap story for ya... I've had jock itch... does that count?
2. Is there a story to (women) your first try at bralessness /(men) your first encounter with bralessness? Ah yes... good old Mrs. McCoy... super hot 30 something neighbor of mine back when i was 15 or so.. never wore a bra, she wasn't huge, b-cup or so, but she seemed to have permanently hard nipples...
3. How about your first time going commando? Well my first commando experience went without a hitch... except for maybe a pubic hair caught in my zipper... but there have been times where my fly was down... accidental free show...
4. Or your first discovery of lack-of-underpants in another? 8th grade in school... another student decided to wear a tiny skirt and no underwear... I got to see everything... I tried so hard to sleep w/ her... all i got was an HJ the following summer
5. Any other good underwear-related tales to tell? Yeah... this long ass story... has a lot to do with me in a thong
2. Is there a story to (women) your first try at bralessness /(men) your first encounter with bralessness? Ah yes... good old Mrs. McCoy... super hot 30 something neighbor of mine back when i was 15 or so.. never wore a bra, she wasn't huge, b-cup or so, but she seemed to have permanently hard nipples...
3. How about your first time going commando? Well my first commando experience went without a hitch... except for maybe a pubic hair caught in my zipper... but there have been times where my fly was down... accidental free show...
4. Or your first discovery of lack-of-underpants in another? 8th grade in school... another student decided to wear a tiny skirt and no underwear... I got to see everything... I tried so hard to sleep w/ her... all i got was an HJ the following summer
5. Any other good underwear-related tales to tell? Yeah... this long ass story... has a lot to do with me in a thong
Monday, November 23, 2009
Landon's Sex Calendar - November '09, Part 2
One of my New Year's Resolutions was to actually keep track of how many times I have sex and masturbate, just to see how often I do what with who in a year. Don't forget to read all the past month's romps.
Wednesday, November 11th
- Evening: Oral Sex (Gave & Recieved) with Judith O (33) in my apartment.
Thursday, November 12th
- Evening: Sex with Coretta G (45) in my apartment.
Friday, November 13th
- Evening: Sex with Mary C (36) in my apartment.
Saturday, November 14th
- Early Afternoon: Masturbation in Susan B's house.
- Late Afternoon: Oral Sex (Recieved) with Susan B (42) in her house.
Sunday, November 15th
- Evening: Sex with Isabella P (19) in my apartment.
Monday, November 16th
Tuesday, November 17th
Wednesday, November 18th
- Afternoon: Oral Sex (Recieved) with Ryan V (23) in her car during lunch break.
Thursday, November 19th
- Afternoon: Masturbation in my apartment.
- Evening: Masturbation in my apartment.
Friday, November 20th
- Evening: Masturbation at a party.
- Late Evening: Foursome with Patricia M (27) and 2 other guys at a party.
Wednesday, November 11th
- Evening: Oral Sex (Gave & Recieved) with Judith O (33) in my apartment.
Thursday, November 12th
- Evening: Sex with Coretta G (45) in my apartment.
Friday, November 13th
- Evening: Sex with Mary C (36) in my apartment.
Saturday, November 14th
- Early Afternoon: Masturbation in Susan B's house.
- Late Afternoon: Oral Sex (Recieved) with Susan B (42) in her house.
Sunday, November 15th
- Evening: Sex with Isabella P (19) in my apartment.
Monday, November 16th
Tuesday, November 17th
Wednesday, November 18th
- Afternoon: Oral Sex (Recieved) with Ryan V (23) in her car during lunch break.
Thursday, November 19th
- Afternoon: Masturbation in my apartment.
- Evening: Masturbation in my apartment.
Friday, November 20th
- Evening: Masturbation at a party.
- Late Evening: Foursome with Patricia M (27) and 2 other guys at a party.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Paramour: Alysia E & Ashley G (A Hell of a Halloween)
So for Halloween I decided to go as Adam (as in Adam and Eve)... I needed a costume that was sexy (guys don't have much to choose from, girls can make any costume sexy) and a little funny... Granted I didn't just tape a leaf to the tip of my dick... My sister Zoe made me the costume...
Zoe is big into cosplay, which is, if you're not nerdy enough to understand, basically making costumes of comic book characters or anime characters and going to conventions and what not dressed as them... so her costume making skills came in handy... Anyway... she came up with the idea of getting a sheer thong that was basically see through and sewing a green leaf made out of felt material (like on a pool table) and sewing it the the front... seemed more decent than my "tape a leaf to my dick idea." so after she made it, and I awkwardly "modeled" it for her to make some adjustments, including her telling me I needed to shave my pubes, I was ready to go...
The costume itself didn't hide much... the leaf covered up my business for the most part but you could easily see some extra business on the sides... but, like I said I needed something sexy... and.. for the record, I have a new respect for women who wear thongs, they are very uncomfortable... so good job ladies...
So I went to a party with Zoe and another one of my sisters Ariana, needless to say I was the center of attention...
Now, as I'm sure I mentioned at least a thousand times on the blog, it doesn't take much to get me hard... I'm like a 15 year old guy when it comes to my libido. With about 40-50 people at that party, mostly female, most in sexy costumes, it didn't take long for me to get a hard on.... When you're 9.5" erect, its difficult to hide a hard on in a pair of baggy jeans, so, in a skin tight, see-through thong with nothing but a small piece of green fabric in front of your package, its impossible...
My first instinct was go to the bathroom, jerk off and hope it goes down.... but since that seemed strange to do at someone else's house (not that it stopped me in the past) i went to plan B... Plan B was to think of baseball, dead kittens, the holocaust, any and all boner killing imagery I could think of...
But of course at the party when I thought of baseball, there was a girl in a sexy baseball players uniform, tight jersey and short skirt like all baseball players wear...
So I thought of dead kittens and two girls showed up at the party dressed as slutty kittens, much better than dead ones, and by "dressed as kittens" I of course mean whiskers drawn on their faces with a sharpie, a cat ear head band, and lingerie... Surprisingly for me, my first thought wasn't "I have to get some of those pussycats" but it was "How is that considered a kitten costume?" But the thought where I wanted to sleep with them wasn't far behind...
Then I thought of the Holocaust... luckily there was no one dressed as a Jew or any sexy Nazi girls... although, Sexy Nazi sounds like an edgy costume...
But, just like Hitler, innocent Jews dying wasn't enough to make my hard-on deflate... At that point, I went to plan C, which I nicknamed the patriot act because I just let my flag fly, and said fuck it... so I spent an hour or so walking around the party with a hard on and decided to change my costume from just "Adam" to "Horny Adam"...
The worst part wasn't even the fact that I had a very public erection, but the fact that I was in a thong and my dick was pushing the front of the thong out about 9 inches, it had some elasticity to it, sure, but that didn't stop the thin piece of fabric in the back from digging into my ass crack more than before... I swear that my ass crack has to be at least 2 inches deeper now... but that a story for another time...
Like I said my costume alone made my popular at the party, the hard-on inside and telling people I was going as "Horny Adam" didn't hurt matters either... Then i met one of my sisters friends, Alysia Edmonson, she was dressed as a sexy cave girl (luckily no arm pit hair or unibrow) she had on a blue tiger striped halter top thing, and a super short blue tiger striped skirt... Alysia I met once or twice before, she's a freshman in the college I'm at but we never really crossed paths, she's brunette, wears eyeliner (which I still think is sexy) average tight college girl body...The only times I've seen her she was cloaked in over-sized hoodies, so I had no idea she had such a sexy body...
We exchanged a bit of flirtacious banter, regaurding our costumes... She asked if I was looking for Eve, to which I replied "Ya know, after she almost made me choke to death on that damn apple, we've been seperated"
We chatted for a minute, the flirting grew, I noticed she was having a fruedian time with her plastic cave-girl club... I don't know if she was doing it on purpose, or if she was totally unaware, but she start stroking the plastic costume prop with her hand, which doesn't do anything for a hard-on but make it more eager...
After about a half hour of chatting, my sister Ariana says "Jesus Christ, why don't you two go upstairs into a spare room and fuck? Landon has a stiffy and you're jerking off your club" It sounded like a good idea... and after Alysia was done blushing we went up stairs... I more than willingly took the thong off... that alone was a better feeling than 100 orgasms, I almost needed a cigarette and a nap after taking it off...
Luckily she had a condom in her purse because I had no where to store one... for some reason while we were fucking doggy style I stopped and thought "Why would a cave girl have a purse?" Thats the problem with me and Halloween, I try to pick out flaws in costumes, even when I should pay attention to the cave girl I'm screwing... First time I ever said that...
We must've gone at it for a while because when we were done, after I came on someone's bed sheets, we got redressed (even though she kept most of her costume on the entire time) we went back down to the party and half the people were gone, Alysia looked at the wall clock, like a cave girl normally would, and said she had to go... she gave me her number, that I gave to my sister to put in her purse since I was sans pockets, and she left....
The remaining people at the party we either stoned or piss-drunk.... so I grabbed some vodka and tried to catch up... my smile must've been a mile long, not so much because I just got laid, but because my hard-on was gone, making my thong much more comfortable...
Since the vodka wasn't doing much I just watched some people... there was a couple, a girl dressed like Miss Muffet and her boyfriend dressed as a spider fighting, a couple of people coming down from the upstairs, I wasn't the only one to get laid, and then my sister Zoe dressed as some comic book character, Rogue from the X-men, getting insanely hammered, and being taken upstairs by a guy, some blood sucker, no really, some guy dressed up as a vampire... First my protective brotherly instincts kicked in.... but I figured I wouldn't look too intimidating to a vampire in nothing but a thong, and I guess Zoe and him were friends, so I figured that she just need some fun too...
The vodka was starting to work and I found myself dancing with a sexy clown... now, women can easily make most costumes look sexy, sexy nurse, sexy cave girl, and I still think sexty nazi would be rad... But I never thought of a sexy clown.... She, who I later found out was named Ashley, Ashley Green I think, still fuzzy on the last name, looked great... She had green hair, perfect clown make-up, red clown shoes, and a super-tight colorful one piece clown suit, it was more like a cat suit, just very colorful... and her cleavage was amazing.... I'm not much of a tit guy, boobs are nice, but not my favorite part of a female, but when the girl is petite and has a huge (natural) rack, my mind loses track of everything else... and even though I didn't check her clown-bra, I'd guess that her tits were an E or F cup.... huge fun bags (that term goes well with the clown theme right?)... Needless to say my thong became uncomfortable again...
We talked, or flirted with emphasis on our costumes, then she squirted me in the face with water from a flower that was on her chest, and I had to fight the urge to say "I have something that does that too..." She had a bag full of balloons and a pump and made me a balloon animal, well... balloon fruit, she attempted to make me an apple... which was kinda sweet considering my costume...
And at the risk of sounding like a complete dork, I'm gonna admit something that I never admited on my blog, I worked at a short-live PA town circus for like a week when I was like 15 or 16... I can make balloon animals, juggle decently, and ride a unicycle... I mention this because I was putting at least one of the skills to good use, I made a couple balloon animals... I apparently forgot how to make a giraffe cuz it turned out looking like a dick and scrotum, but it was a nice spirit lifter...
Anyway, me and the clown danced and made out on a couch... she was sitting on my lap, facing me and rubbing her crotch up and down on my dick... then I heard some yelling and figured that it was just a drunk chick getting rowdy... technically it was, because my sister Zoe stumbled down the stairs completely naked, yelling at the vampire guy she was gonna hook up with... apparently he went a little overboard with his costume, or was just a freak, because she tried to bite Zoe, actually bite her, not a gentile love-nibble, but wanted to draw blood... Ariana, came and got me and told me we had to go... I didn't want to leave my clown so I told her she should tag along, she did, and we did....
We were riding home, Zoe completely naked in the passenger seat, Ariana driving, and me making out with a clown in the back seat... Zoe and Ariana were both pissed, but me and my clown were doing just fine in the backseat (first time I said that too), Ashley finally took my dick out of my thong and was jerking me off by the time we got to the apartment... Zoe went to bed immediately, Ariana was gonna tell my mom that we were home but apparently my mom was having some halloween fun of her own in her bedroom...
Me and Ashley went to my room, which I share with Zoe and Ariana... I asked if Zoe would mind if me and ashley had sex, she wasn't in a good mood and, with her back to us she said she didn't care... thats all I needed, so I ended up getting some clown love... Me and Ashley fucked for about an hour, her wig started falling off halfway through and I was kinda disappointed, for some reason I actually thought she had green hair... go figure... we fell asleep after and in the morning I had so much clown paint on my bed, face, chest, and dick it looked like I was the one who went as a clown the night before
Ashley got a shower and left while I was trying to deal with my hangover (I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking, I'm not gonna lie)... When Ashley came out of the shower I noticed that the vodka I had the night before worked better than I thought... Or maybe it was the fact that I didn't see her face behind her paint... not saying Ashley is ugly... just not what I pictured her looking like without face paint... She said she was 22 but looked older, who knows... I've woken up next to worse...
All in all it was a great halloween... took me an hour in the shower to get all the clown paint off me.... Zoe was pissed about that asshole she hooked up with at the party and we still didn't get her costume back, which she spent a lotta time on... and I made a promise to myself, my dick, and my ass crack to never wear a thong again...
Zoe is big into cosplay, which is, if you're not nerdy enough to understand, basically making costumes of comic book characters or anime characters and going to conventions and what not dressed as them... so her costume making skills came in handy... Anyway... she came up with the idea of getting a sheer thong that was basically see through and sewing a green leaf made out of felt material (like on a pool table) and sewing it the the front... seemed more decent than my "tape a leaf to my dick idea." so after she made it, and I awkwardly "modeled" it for her to make some adjustments, including her telling me I needed to shave my pubes, I was ready to go...
The costume itself didn't hide much... the leaf covered up my business for the most part but you could easily see some extra business on the sides... but, like I said I needed something sexy... and.. for the record, I have a new respect for women who wear thongs, they are very uncomfortable... so good job ladies...
So I went to a party with Zoe and another one of my sisters Ariana, needless to say I was the center of attention...
Now, as I'm sure I mentioned at least a thousand times on the blog, it doesn't take much to get me hard... I'm like a 15 year old guy when it comes to my libido. With about 40-50 people at that party, mostly female, most in sexy costumes, it didn't take long for me to get a hard on.... When you're 9.5" erect, its difficult to hide a hard on in a pair of baggy jeans, so, in a skin tight, see-through thong with nothing but a small piece of green fabric in front of your package, its impossible...
My first instinct was go to the bathroom, jerk off and hope it goes down.... but since that seemed strange to do at someone else's house (not that it stopped me in the past) i went to plan B... Plan B was to think of baseball, dead kittens, the holocaust, any and all boner killing imagery I could think of...
But of course at the party when I thought of baseball, there was a girl in a sexy baseball players uniform, tight jersey and short skirt like all baseball players wear...
So I thought of dead kittens and two girls showed up at the party dressed as slutty kittens, much better than dead ones, and by "dressed as kittens" I of course mean whiskers drawn on their faces with a sharpie, a cat ear head band, and lingerie... Surprisingly for me, my first thought wasn't "I have to get some of those pussycats" but it was "How is that considered a kitten costume?" But the thought where I wanted to sleep with them wasn't far behind...
Then I thought of the Holocaust... luckily there was no one dressed as a Jew or any sexy Nazi girls... although, Sexy Nazi sounds like an edgy costume...
But, just like Hitler, innocent Jews dying wasn't enough to make my hard-on deflate... At that point, I went to plan C, which I nicknamed the patriot act because I just let my flag fly, and said fuck it... so I spent an hour or so walking around the party with a hard on and decided to change my costume from just "Adam" to "Horny Adam"...
The worst part wasn't even the fact that I had a very public erection, but the fact that I was in a thong and my dick was pushing the front of the thong out about 9 inches, it had some elasticity to it, sure, but that didn't stop the thin piece of fabric in the back from digging into my ass crack more than before... I swear that my ass crack has to be at least 2 inches deeper now... but that a story for another time...
Like I said my costume alone made my popular at the party, the hard-on inside and telling people I was going as "Horny Adam" didn't hurt matters either... Then i met one of my sisters friends, Alysia Edmonson, she was dressed as a sexy cave girl (luckily no arm pit hair or unibrow) she had on a blue tiger striped halter top thing, and a super short blue tiger striped skirt... Alysia I met once or twice before, she's a freshman in the college I'm at but we never really crossed paths, she's brunette, wears eyeliner (which I still think is sexy) average tight college girl body...The only times I've seen her she was cloaked in over-sized hoodies, so I had no idea she had such a sexy body...
We exchanged a bit of flirtacious banter, regaurding our costumes... She asked if I was looking for Eve, to which I replied "Ya know, after she almost made me choke to death on that damn apple, we've been seperated"
We chatted for a minute, the flirting grew, I noticed she was having a fruedian time with her plastic cave-girl club... I don't know if she was doing it on purpose, or if she was totally unaware, but she start stroking the plastic costume prop with her hand, which doesn't do anything for a hard-on but make it more eager...
After about a half hour of chatting, my sister Ariana says "Jesus Christ, why don't you two go upstairs into a spare room and fuck? Landon has a stiffy and you're jerking off your club" It sounded like a good idea... and after Alysia was done blushing we went up stairs... I more than willingly took the thong off... that alone was a better feeling than 100 orgasms, I almost needed a cigarette and a nap after taking it off...
Luckily she had a condom in her purse because I had no where to store one... for some reason while we were fucking doggy style I stopped and thought "Why would a cave girl have a purse?" Thats the problem with me and Halloween, I try to pick out flaws in costumes, even when I should pay attention to the cave girl I'm screwing... First time I ever said that...
We must've gone at it for a while because when we were done, after I came on someone's bed sheets, we got redressed (even though she kept most of her costume on the entire time) we went back down to the party and half the people were gone, Alysia looked at the wall clock, like a cave girl normally would, and said she had to go... she gave me her number, that I gave to my sister to put in her purse since I was sans pockets, and she left....
The remaining people at the party we either stoned or piss-drunk.... so I grabbed some vodka and tried to catch up... my smile must've been a mile long, not so much because I just got laid, but because my hard-on was gone, making my thong much more comfortable...
Since the vodka wasn't doing much I just watched some people... there was a couple, a girl dressed like Miss Muffet and her boyfriend dressed as a spider fighting, a couple of people coming down from the upstairs, I wasn't the only one to get laid, and then my sister Zoe dressed as some comic book character, Rogue from the X-men, getting insanely hammered, and being taken upstairs by a guy, some blood sucker, no really, some guy dressed up as a vampire... First my protective brotherly instincts kicked in.... but I figured I wouldn't look too intimidating to a vampire in nothing but a thong, and I guess Zoe and him were friends, so I figured that she just need some fun too...
The vodka was starting to work and I found myself dancing with a sexy clown... now, women can easily make most costumes look sexy, sexy nurse, sexy cave girl, and I still think sexty nazi would be rad... But I never thought of a sexy clown.... She, who I later found out was named Ashley, Ashley Green I think, still fuzzy on the last name, looked great... She had green hair, perfect clown make-up, red clown shoes, and a super-tight colorful one piece clown suit, it was more like a cat suit, just very colorful... and her cleavage was amazing.... I'm not much of a tit guy, boobs are nice, but not my favorite part of a female, but when the girl is petite and has a huge (natural) rack, my mind loses track of everything else... and even though I didn't check her clown-bra, I'd guess that her tits were an E or F cup.... huge fun bags (that term goes well with the clown theme right?)... Needless to say my thong became uncomfortable again...
We talked, or flirted with emphasis on our costumes, then she squirted me in the face with water from a flower that was on her chest, and I had to fight the urge to say "I have something that does that too..." She had a bag full of balloons and a pump and made me a balloon animal, well... balloon fruit, she attempted to make me an apple... which was kinda sweet considering my costume...
And at the risk of sounding like a complete dork, I'm gonna admit something that I never admited on my blog, I worked at a short-live PA town circus for like a week when I was like 15 or 16... I can make balloon animals, juggle decently, and ride a unicycle... I mention this because I was putting at least one of the skills to good use, I made a couple balloon animals... I apparently forgot how to make a giraffe cuz it turned out looking like a dick and scrotum, but it was a nice spirit lifter...
Anyway, me and the clown danced and made out on a couch... she was sitting on my lap, facing me and rubbing her crotch up and down on my dick... then I heard some yelling and figured that it was just a drunk chick getting rowdy... technically it was, because my sister Zoe stumbled down the stairs completely naked, yelling at the vampire guy she was gonna hook up with... apparently he went a little overboard with his costume, or was just a freak, because she tried to bite Zoe, actually bite her, not a gentile love-nibble, but wanted to draw blood... Ariana, came and got me and told me we had to go... I didn't want to leave my clown so I told her she should tag along, she did, and we did....
We were riding home, Zoe completely naked in the passenger seat, Ariana driving, and me making out with a clown in the back seat... Zoe and Ariana were both pissed, but me and my clown were doing just fine in the backseat (first time I said that too), Ashley finally took my dick out of my thong and was jerking me off by the time we got to the apartment... Zoe went to bed immediately, Ariana was gonna tell my mom that we were home but apparently my mom was having some halloween fun of her own in her bedroom...
Me and Ashley went to my room, which I share with Zoe and Ariana... I asked if Zoe would mind if me and ashley had sex, she wasn't in a good mood and, with her back to us she said she didn't care... thats all I needed, so I ended up getting some clown love... Me and Ashley fucked for about an hour, her wig started falling off halfway through and I was kinda disappointed, for some reason I actually thought she had green hair... go figure... we fell asleep after and in the morning I had so much clown paint on my bed, face, chest, and dick it looked like I was the one who went as a clown the night before
Ashley got a shower and left while I was trying to deal with my hangover (I'm a lightweight when it comes to drinking, I'm not gonna lie)... When Ashley came out of the shower I noticed that the vodka I had the night before worked better than I thought... Or maybe it was the fact that I didn't see her face behind her paint... not saying Ashley is ugly... just not what I pictured her looking like without face paint... She said she was 22 but looked older, who knows... I've woken up next to worse...
All in all it was a great halloween... took me an hour in the shower to get all the clown paint off me.... Zoe was pissed about that asshole she hooked up with at the party and we still didn't get her costume back, which she spent a lotta time on... and I made a promise to myself, my dick, and my ass crack to never wear a thong again...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Landon's Sex Calendar - November '09, Part 1
One of my New Year's Resolutions was to actually keep track of how many times I have sex and masturbate, just to see how often I do what with who in a year. Don't forget to read all the past month's romps.
Sunday, November 1st
- Evening: Sex with Susan B (42) in her house.
Monday, November 2nd
Tuesday, November 3rd
- Morning: Masturbation in my apartment.
- Evening: Sex with Julia B (18) in her mom's house.
Wednesday, November 4th
- Morning: Masturbation in my apartment.
- Evening: Sex with Melissa K (25) in my apartment.
Thursday, November 5th
- Evening: Oral Sex (Recieved) with Julia B (18) in her mom's house.
Friday, November 6th
- Evening: Sex with Toni F (36) in my apartment.
Saturday, November 7th
- Early Afternoon: Sex with Julia B (18) in her mom's house.
- Evening: Sex with Lucia S (19) in my apartment.
Sunday, November 8th
- Evening: Sex with Jasmin M (22) in my apartment.
Monday, November 9th
- Evening: Oral Sex (Gave & Recieved) with Judith O (33) in my apartment.
Tuesday, November 10th
- Evening: Masturbation in my apartment.
Sunday, November 1st
- Evening: Sex with Susan B (42) in her house.
Monday, November 2nd
Tuesday, November 3rd
- Morning: Masturbation in my apartment.
- Evening: Sex with Julia B (18) in her mom's house.
Wednesday, November 4th
- Morning: Masturbation in my apartment.
- Evening: Sex with Melissa K (25) in my apartment.
Thursday, November 5th
- Evening: Oral Sex (Recieved) with Julia B (18) in her mom's house.
Friday, November 6th
- Evening: Sex with Toni F (36) in my apartment.
Saturday, November 7th
- Early Afternoon: Sex with Julia B (18) in her mom's house.
- Evening: Sex with Lucia S (19) in my apartment.
Sunday, November 8th
- Evening: Sex with Jasmin M (22) in my apartment.
Monday, November 9th
- Evening: Oral Sex (Gave & Recieved) with Judith O (33) in my apartment.
Tuesday, November 10th
- Evening: Masturbation in my apartment.
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