Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Wednesday Weirdness #38

1- Times are hard and you get laid off. You turn to the adult entertainment industry and decide to get into sexing it up on camera. You're now a porn star. Even though you now do porn for a living, you still hold on to a little morale, ethics and dignity. What are 3 things, sexually, that you rule out as absolutely not happenings no matter the amount of money?
Oh gee... How would I ever survive having sex as a living? Anyway... 1. Licking anyone's bung hole... that includes my own... but I wouldn't mind being flexible enough to do so... 2. Gay porn.... 3. Sex with Jenna Jameson or Tera Patrick... hot in their early days, but have you seen either lately?

2- Pretend you spent a busy day running errands and come home in the afternoon when no one else is home. You come in, sit things down and head to the kitchen. You find a dead body laying in the kitchen floor. What would you do?
First I'd be like "Seriously, Mom? This is what you made for dinner?" But then I'd realize that I'm wrong (She actually made Lasagna and put the leftovers in the fridge.) and I'd call the police.... then when they got here I'd bribe them with the lasagna to keep this whole thing under wraps considering my future political career.

3- After some extensive testing, scientists found out you have a special supernatural skill that could be put to use to save 20,000 men and women all over the world. The only catch is after you use it, you will die. If you don't use it, 30,000 people will die but you'll still be alive and won't suffer any illness or strange side effects of your special supernatural skill. Are you willing to sacrifice your life for 20,000 people?
How much time do I get to decide? If I got a few weeks I'd do it.... I just want to have a shitload of sex before I go... then I'd totally do it... unless those 20,000/30,000 people were criminals... then I'd just use the line "I'm saving 20,000 lives" as a pick up line to... ya know... have a shitload of sex...

4- You are at a concert. A fight breaks out and the person in front of you gets hit by the person beside you. They turn around and think it's you and no amount of reasoning will convince them otherwise. They are taller by several inches and outweigh you by around 50 pounds. You are about to get punched and possibly manhandled. How do you get out of it and avoid injury?
Well first I'd shoot my eye lasers at him and cut off an arm, and then shoot a chest missile to blow off his other arm... and then I'd be all "Betcha weren't expecting that!" then I'd probably get beaten up worse for pretending I have eye lasers and chest missiles... wouldn't be the first time...

5- You're having a dinner party with your close friends. One close friend asks if it is fine if they bring a date along. You ask your friend if their date is someone they trust to act well mannered and respectful to others. Your friend sings the praises of their date and you agree to let them bring their date to the dinner party. Once there, their date turns out to be crude, obnoxious, disrespectful and all around a real vile ass to be around. Do you tough it out and later apologize to your other guests? Pull your friend aside and tell them to reign in their date? Confront the friends date about their vile behavior?
If their date was female and hot... I'd first try to have sex with them... and if I failed at that I'd then tell them how obnoxious they were being...

6- You go to the grocery store and bump carts with a woman. She gets angry and chants at you in gibberish. She smiles, informing you that she has cursed you to never have sex again unless you pay for it. You roll your eyes and walk off. 2 years later and you haven't had any sexual contact with another person since that day. Do you start paying for sex or just never have sexual contact with another person again?
Well... implying I didn't kill myself after 3 weeks of no sex I'd probably start paying for sex by the 4th week... I'm not going 2 years without sex... not possible... I haven't had sex since last night, and thats tough enough...

7- Your really good friend is going to their grandmother's house for dinner and invites you along. You make sure it is fine with their grandmother and she says to come along if you like, she has made more than enough food to feed you too. You go. While there, you accidentally break something extremely valuable to your friends grandmother. Do you hide it and pretend nothing every happened or come clean?
I'd fess up.... and pay for what ever I broke.... I really wanted to end this blog on a funny note... but there is nothing funny about making your friend's grandmother sad...






1 comment:

Amorous Rocker said...

These are awesome answers.

Jenna Jameson is kinda scary looking now.

2, 3 and 4 cracked me up. =D

Happy Wednesday.