Blogging again...

Its been about a month since I last posted a blog... I was busy... work picked up a bit, not a lot but a little, mainly I got sucked into the void of video games...

2 big PS3 Games came out at about the same time... Final Fantasy XIII and God of War 3...

I first Beat God of War 3 in a week... then got sucked into FFXIII... that game is ridiculously long... Its the John Holmes of video games... really long and hard... On the pause menu it has a running clock of game time... or as I call it the "No Life Meter" it says I have 71 hours of game play... I beat the main game and figure that 71 hours is a good place to call it quits...

So now I'm back to real life stuff.. like friends, work, relationships, and blogging... and I need more stuff to blog, if you know of any good memes let me know...

Wash up before dinner...

Everyone loves funny, embarrassing stories... here's something that happened to me yesterday...

Lately my job hasn't been as great as it was in the past. Not that I have to do a lot of extra work or anything, its just that I'm working a lot more.

I typically work 20-30 hours a week, sometimes less. I often get calls around 10 AM to tell me that I don't need to come in to work, I can file for unemployment for the hours I don't work, so its like having a free day... Lately I've been getting 40 hour weeks now, sometimes getting a few hours of overtime, which is nice on the pay check.

Anyway... before i get side tracked... Let me get to the awkward moment that occurred last night...

I got home, after working 9 hours I was kinda mentally drained. The only thing I wanted to do is go in my room, lay on my bed, and masturbate.

I got in my room and got undressed, I laid down on my bed after putting a porn in, I started playing with myself as I told my sister Zoe that she might wanna leave the room.

Needless to say she listened once the first sex scene came on and i had my dick in my hand.

So, I was jerking off, watching Holly Halston in "My Friend's Hot Mom Vol. 15" banging some lucky guy. I reached the point of no return right when my mom walked in on me. Most guys (and probably women too) know that once you start having an orgasm there's no way you can keep a straight face during a time like that.

"Supper's ready..." My mom said right before noticing that I was coming all over the place... I come enough as it is, so its difficult to stay reasonably clean during orgasms, let alone when you're mom walks in, startles ya, and you are unsuccessfully trying to cover up...

After what seemed like an hour but was probably 40-60 seconds, the last of my splooge leaked out of my dick and I regained some composure. I caught my breath and looked down, there was cum all over the place. My dick, balls, on my pubes, all over my legs and stomach, even on my sheets and on the carpet beside my bed. It looked like someone poured half a bottle of lotion all over me.

Once my mom stopped laughing she said "Um... you might wanna wash up before supper too." Which I did.

I really need to work on my covering up skills during moments like that...

Forget The Who... I'm gonna be the real halftime show...

So... its almost time to pay the piper... or more specifically, my sister Ariana... I lost a bet and now have to spend the entire superbowl naked

There's so far 28 people that are gonna be there... I'm not sure if anyone else will be there... so I'm gonna stand out (no erection pun intended) being the only naked one there...

I already masturbated once today in hopes that I'll have no hard-ons during the game... but knowing me thats a false hope... i could get a hard on during a zombie apocalypse... not that zombies turn me on, just saying that since it'd be a time that an erection wouldn't make sense... that and I'm watching Zombieland right now...

Forget The Who... I'm gonna be the real halftime show...

*depressing sigh*

How to lose a friend over night

It's no secret that I love older women... Its my guilty pleasure... Just something about the experience (Granted I've been more experienced than a few I hooked up with) and the ego trip that ya get... That whole "She couldn't find anyone else to keep up with her, I must me a sexual dynamo!"

It's even better when that older woman is married, has kids older than my age or near it... But that also gets me in trouble...

Recently, during the Saints-Vikings game I get a text from my older, married-with-kids friend Emily... She's 46, 2 kids, married for 20+ years. She's got shoulder length black hair, C Cup, short and average weight, with the body and looks of someone half her age... with the exception of a few wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, maturity, and her general intelligence, she could easily pass for a 20-something

That brings me to Tony... her son... me and him have been friends since I've been in college... not the best of friends, but still rather good friends...

One day, about 3 or 4 months ago I went over to pick him up for a party we were going to... I got there no one was home except Emily, his mom... She was nice, told me that Tony wasn't around but she took my number and told me she'd call me if he showed up... he never did...

Then a couple months later she texted me, not knowing who I was, since I only talked to her a handful of times since I've known her... We chatted off and on for a while... she asked me to reccomend a gym in the area to join, I told her she should join the one I'm in (granted, I only go like 4 or 5 times per month)... So besides texting I got to see her at the gym from time to time

As Emily and I became friends we'd start flirting via texts, even getting hot and heavy a few times... But everytime she ended the convo with guilty feelings about her husband and son...

Then on Sunday I get "What are you doing right now?" Later she invited me over to her place... Her husband and both her sons were at a football party that night (Thank You NFL!) And since I'm not a huge fan of football, I didn't mind passing up on the game.

I get to her house and she hugs me, I guess I held onto her hips a little to long and between the closeness of her body and the anticipation of spending some along time with her I was already at half mast... Needless to say she noticed before she whispered in my ear "I need you"

I knew through talking with her that she's only been with her husband and 1 other guy in her post-high school days, So I took it slow, I figured ripping her clothes off and ravaging her would scare her off...

One thing lead to another and we were having some of the best sex either of us had... She mentioned she and her husband only do it a couple times per month... She also mentioned that she wasn't on birth control since her husband had his vasectomy, so coming inside her was out of the question... I pulled out and came on her stomach and chest and neck, she was kinda shocked by the amount that came out...

So a couple hours after I got there and after a quick clean up she told me to leave because the football game was already over for about an hour and a half and her husband and sons were on their way back

Then... last night I get a text, not from Emily, but Tony... it said "If you ever come around here again I'll beat your ass"

Needless to say he found out about me and his mom.... Apparently Emily mentioned it, not sure how thats turning out for Emily... I lost a friend but hopefully Emily will be ok, not sure if she admitted it to her husband yet... I might have myself another fight with the husband of a woman I hooked up with lol

This is why I shouldn't bet at all...

As I mentioned on this blog I make stupid bets, and on the AFC & NFC championship games last night, I lost both... I officially hate football now thanks to the Jets & Vikings....

I made a bet with my friend Alexia on the Jets-Colts game... The colts won so I'm verbally contracted to come over whenever she wants (implying I have the time) and go down on her... And I didn't get halfway through the Vikings-Saints game until I got a text from her saying "U lost, come over n pay up!"

I came over... "paid up" and watched the last few minutes of the Vikings-Saints game (which I lost another bet to) and I left horny....

Luckily, Emily, a friend's mom sent me a text earlier saying "What r u doing tonight" and needless to say, I may have lost 2 bets but ended up having a good night anyway... but thats another story

Now, since the Viking's lost, I have to attend a Superbowl party completely naked... maybe I can talk my way out of it....

Why do I make such stupid bets?

I'm not a gambler by nature... in fact, if I went to Vegas with $3,000 in my pocket and every casino game at my disposal I'd probably just spend my money at strip clubs and bars...

But when the Superbowl gets closer I tend to feel like its a good time to start betting... I always make some dumb, no-money-involved bet on the Superbowl... I've lost lots in the past and had to watch a weekly football game of the following season naked at a friends house, Masturbate in the middle of a party, streak through campus with a rubber chicken tied to my dick... And I've won some nice rewards too

For the first time I'm betting on the AFC and NFC championship games too... and I'm really hoping the Jets and Vikings win...

I bet my friend Alexia that the Jets would beat the Colts... If the Jets win, I get a blowjob, if they lose I'm basically her sex slave... and not the kind of sex slave that most guys would wanna be... Basically, any time she wants I have to go to her place and go down on her... Come to think of it, I suppose its a win-win situation for me

Now I made a bet on the Vikings-Saints game too... This one with my sister Ariana... We're having a Superbowl party at my house with my family and a ton of our friends... Its basically gonna be like 30 people in an apartment barely big enough for the 8 that live here now... So, I'm pulling for the Vikings, being Pro-Farve and all, she, the Saints... We made a bet that the loser would have to attend our Superbowl party totally nude. As if being naked around the family isn't strange enough, the clothesless loser has to greet each person at the door as they show up, and get refreshments for the partygoers when needed... I'm not ashamed by nudity at all... but still, I'd like to be clothed and warm during the Jets-Vikings Superbowl game (hopefully)..

I'm still thinking of what to bet and who to bet with for the superbowl... Suggestions are welcome BTW

One more bet I'm thinking of is with my friend Eric, me and him have been friends since I moved to NY with the Fam... And it has nothing to do with football but it does have a lot to do with my favorite past time, women...

See Eric is a simple horny guy like myself.... While I probably have had sex more that him, his claim to fame is sleeping with 101 different girls in a single calender year (I must point out that it was a leap year so he had an extra day)... We are typical guy friends, wingmen, always helping each other get laid... We jokingly claim that between the two of us we're gonna sleep with every girl in the world... obviously that won't happen, I'm don't have that much energy... But nonetheless, between the two of us we're doing pretty good... Watch out Gene Simmons, we're gonna catch up to your 14,000 women number...

Speaking of, since when did Gene Simmons start doing Dr. Pepper commercials?

Anyway... back to the bet... He claimed I couldn't beat or tie his 1 year girl total... last year I hooked up a little over 40 girls... some of which were just oral... so they, by Eric's rules, don't count... I'll have to hook up with 8 or 9 girls per month to beat his total... Eric of course slept with some girls that I wouldn't think of having sex with... Including a 300 pound girl *shiver* that we still pick on him for...

This bet has a monetary value... If I tie or beat his record, I get $2,000... If I don't, I have to cough up that amount...

I haven't taken this bet, but I'm pondering it, I have until the first of February to decide... Feel free to help me go one way or another

10 Things I Was Thankful For This Thanksgiving

#10. I'm thankful for: Road trips.
Every year me and the family take a long trip to my mom's mom's house in Pennsylvania for Thanksgiving. My grandmother goes all out for thanksgiving and I could smell the food before we even left NY at an ungodly hour. We left at 4 am, the day before Thanksgiving... Since my mom has a fear of flying it was a long road trip.

#9. I'm thankful for: The family that went with us.
The whole clan didn't tag along. Anna and Michael, my oldest bro and sis had thanksgiving with their spouses families, and the twins, Donavan and Domenic spent thanksgiving at their dad's house. Since we all have different fathers (Except for Don & Dom of course) its hard for all of us to spend holidays together every time. But it was still a big family going. My mom, Cheryl, my sisters Zoe, Ariana, and McKenzie, and me. 4 females and me, in a van, for hours.

#8. I'm thankful for: My estrogen-immune masculinity.
OK, sure... no guy, no matter what he says is 100% immune to large masses of estrogen... But I made it through with my sanity.. Despite all the "Oh my god, Gramma's food is gonna make me so bloated," "My shoes are killing me, but they're so cute," and "Do these jeans make my ass look fat?" I made it through the trip with out any twitching in my eyes or thoughts of murdering any of my female siblings. That's a victory in itself.

#7. I'm thankful for: Vans with semi-private back seats.
#6. I'm thankful for: An understanding family.
I got the backseat to myself... McKenzie and mom were up front, Zoe and Ariana were in the second row and I had the last row of seats to stretch my legs out... The 4 girls were lots in their own conversations, which I didn't want to interrupt, so that left my mind free to wander. Which isn't a good thing. My thoughts went to my friend Lucia, and what we got into the day before. Needless to say, minutes later I was harder than William Shatner in a William Shatner museum. My hand started to rub my dick through my pants, but I stopped myself before I was caught. I still had my sweat pants on at the time since I never changed when I woke up. Kinda hard to hide an average hard-on in sweat pants, let alone one my size. But I tried to let it go and closed my eyes trying to get some sleep. a minute later I hear Ariana say "Jesus, Landon, when do you not have a boner?" Ariana was turned around in her seat making fun of me, I replied, in a sibling rivalry manner with "Just because your boyfriend can't get it up around you, doesn't mean you have to take it out on me." I got punched in the shoulder. My mom told us to knock it off in a weak, not-that-it-matters tone. Ariana and Zoe continued to make fun of my erection for about half an hour. Hitting me with zingers like "Are you trying to pitch a tent in your pants?" and "Can we stop and buy a flag, and hang it on Landon's dick to make it useful?" Eventually my mom got frustrated and said "Landon, why don't you just take care of it so your sisters will be quiet?" I was kinda taken aback by that comment, and my mom mentioned "I mean, we walk in on you jerking off or having sex like every week anyway, so what's it matter?" I declined, and several minutes later I figured, hey, that's not such a bad idea, so I took out my dick and started masturbating, shortly after I started Ariana turned around to make fun of me, but the joke was on her, seeing me jack off and all. She screamed and mom yelled back at me to at least cover up with a blanket. I got Zoe's blanket she brought and put it over myself and finished up. It awas rather awkward, but it would have been worse for me if I just let it go. Plus, it helped me get to sleep.

#5. I'm thankful for: The fact that me and my grandmother share the same sense of humor.
We arrived at my grandmother's house after a hellacious (and for me at one point orgasmic) car trip. Grandma greeted us each and then went right to judging my mom. One of the first questions she asked my mom was "Who are you fucking this week?" Its not secret, not even to my grandmother, that my mom "gets around." She explained her current boyfriend to grandmother, she replied something about my mom getting arrested because he is only 20, perfectly legal, but a large age gap. My mom had to remind her that 18 and up is legal in most states. After some more judgment from Grandma, we all got along again.

#4. I'm thankful for: Old friends...
#3. I'm thankful for: Hotel rooms.
Shortly after getting there, and not long after being judged by Grandma, my mom decided it'd be best to get a hotel room. I had other things on my mind. I've always kept in touch with friends from that area since we lived there a few years ago. I called up Kelly, a high school fuck buddy I haven't seen since 11th grade or so, and told her to meet me at the hotel. She did, and since most of my family went out shopping, except for Zoe, we decided to remember old times and see how we've changed. I've gotten bigger in some areas since high school, and so did she. Kelly gained a lot of weight, but who doesn't after high school? She was still as eager as ever. Zoe locked herself in the bathroom while me and Kelly made use of the hotel bed (Same bed I had to share with my youngest Sister, McKenzie. Luckily there was no random nighttime boners or awkward morning wood lol). Unfortunately we didn't finish before Zoe got out, but instead of being in the same room with me having sex, she went for a walk. Me and Kelly finished after about an hour and a half of reminding me why I spent all my time at her place during high school.

#2. I'm thankful for: Food, and lots of it...
Grandma make tons of food for Thanksgiving lunch (We have lunch instead of dinner for some reason). I ate 3 1/2 plates of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn, peas, homemade rolls, cranberry sauce, and a slice of pumpkin pie to finish it off.

#1. I'm thankful for: Going home.
Thanks to the tryptophan, I slept most of the way home, no masturbation needed. I love visiting family and all, but love home even more.

Search for the perfect halloween costume

I'm debating what I wanna go as for halloween... I got a couple invites to a few parties... just gotta figure out what I wanna go as... I want a mix of something funny and sexy, here's a few ideas I've been mulling over...

Caveman - Think about it... just me in a loin cloth... I could also make this funnier by going as the studlier version of Barney Rubble but then I'd need a Betty Rubble...

Flasher Version 1 - Simple... shoes and a trench coat... nothing else... flashing random people all night... could end up with me getting arrested if I'm not at the right party...

Flasher Version 2 - Same as V1 except I get a comical, over sized stuffed penis... like a plush penis that hangs down to my shins... and softball sized testicles.... less likely to get arrested, more likely to get laughs...

70's Porn Star - Tight jeans, cowboy boots, tight button up shirt, mitch hedberg sunglasses, and a kick ass 70's porn mustache.... might be enough to get my own sex scene with a lucky girl dressed as snow white (Snow White and the 7 Orgasms... thats the title of that film... hopefully at least one of those orgasms is mine...)

Adam - as in Adam and Eve... fig leaf... nothing else... might freeze more than my ass off though...

Olympic Swimmer - Shower cap... speedo... but then... speedos can be painful, I wore one to a pool party when I was 16, never again... If I wanted to go as someone who felt like their balls were being squeezed in someone's fist, I'd go as a married man.... mean joke, I apologize to all the married women who don't go out of their way to own their man's balls...

anyway... let me know which ya like the best.... one of my sisters is into cosplay (dressing up like anime/comic book characters and going to conventions) so she can make pretty much any costume with the right material... also if ya have any other good sexy/funny ideas for a guy's costume... let me know... I'll probably need 2 different costumes... or maybe a costume for each party...

100th Blog: Top Ten Blogs

10. Most Frustrating: How many times can one guy get walked in on
Sometimes, a guy just needs to jerk off... alone!

9. Best Porn Premise: Life imitating porn: Journey to the Center of Mrs. Worth
If you ask me, this is a moment every straight male should have in their lives.

8. Most Memorable: The Paramour Series
Lucia S - Margie R - Julia B
Some girls need some explanation, these do at least.

7. Best Use of Company Time: Bathroom break from Heaven
Normally bathroom breaks are saved for times at work where ya just want to get away, or actually have to go, this one was better.

6. Most Awkward Hard-On: An awkward day at the mall
Me, my sister, a hard-on, an idiot mall cop, and a stolen bottle of shampoo.

5. Best Explanation of a Penis: Landon's Penis Paradox
Part 1 - Part 2
What its like being me, at least the penis part of me.

4. Most Awkward Call: Calling Landon: Bad Time for a Phone Call
Ever get a call while having sex? Ever answer it? And was it from your mother? And did you talk to her for way to long? I did.

3. Best Meme: Wednesday Weirdness 51 - Story Time
Who doesn't love stories? Especially when they center around sex.

2. Most Tedious: Landon's Sex Calendar
January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October (Part 1)
My sex journal and me sticking to a new years resolution.

1. Most Embarrassing: Think Peter North on a Good Day
A lot of embarrassing situations contain sex, the most embarrassing contain sex, your partner's mother, and lots and lots of semen.

Hate to sound like the guy from Staind... but its been a while...

Some blogger I turned out to be... I haven't posted anything in like 3 months.... but I kinda have a good reason....

Almost dying is a good reason to not blog for a while... right?

In the beginning of June I got sick, food poisoning... You'd figure a few days of barfing up breakfast and I'd be good to go. not so much.... I was sick for 3 days, and on the 4th I apparently passed out and woke up in a hospital bed.

Doctor's came around and told me I almost died of dehydration and exhaustion or something. I was drinking plenty of liquids (mostly water) while I was sick, but couldn't keep it down for more than 20 minutes.

They/We were having a difficult time keeping me hydrated in the hospital but after about a week I was returning to normal. They told me I shouldn't do any (alcoholic) drinking, partying, illicit drugs, or exercises for a few more days, to regain my strength. And also no sex for a while either (might as well be a death sentence).

So for the first couple of weeks in June I was pretty much out of my typical routine (which includes blogging every few days).

When ya stop doing something for two weeks, people say it breaks the habit. Blogging didn't even enter my mind until earlier this month. I did what I always do with the exception of blogging, and I got a few extra hours at work (We usually work an average of 20-30 hours a week, less if its a slow week) and one day I had about 4 hours of free time that I wasn't used to.

I was trying to think of what I did to fill that time that I get free, turns out it was blogging.

Anyway, I'm back... I have a few LSC posts coming up, and hopefully I'll be able to get back into the habit of blogging again.

How many times can one guy get walked in on?

I had the day off work yesterday. I normally work 8 hour shifts Monday-Thursday and a 4 hour shift on Friday. I work in a computer tech help call center, all I do is forward calls to the right places. Not an exciting job, but pays nice. But a lot of the time its rather slow. 3 or 4 days a week we'll either get sent home early or get called off all together.

My cell phone woke me up at 7 AM in the morning. It was the sexy receptionist Sue telling me I didn't have to come into work. Good deal. I was horny as hell, like I am most mornings, but yesterday more so since all I got the night before was a half-assed blow job from my friend Morgan. I tore the sheets off, closed my eyes and started jacking off.

Now I should tell you about the apartment I live in. There are 3 bedrooms for 7 people. My mom has one to herself. My youngest sister McKenzie and the twins Dominic & Donovan share one with me, my sisters Zoe and Arianna share the third. To make matters worse, there are no doors on any of them. We tried getting doors but our landlord doesn't want them. So anything that goes on in the bedrooms can be seen from almost anywhere in the apartment. We've had to learn to be pretty open with each other here as you may have guessed. Between me, my mom, and Don & Dom, someone is almost always having sex or masturbating.

So I'm laying there, eyes closed, dick-in-hand, getting closer to coming then I hear "Oh, you are awake." I stop, open my eyes and theres my mom. "Yeah," I said with my dick in my hand "I don't have to work today." She says "Oh good, by the way breakfast is ready." She leaves and I try to get off real quick. After five or ten minutes of masturbation I get close again. Then my mom pokes her head in the door again. "Hurry up Landon, breakfast will get cold." I keep masturbating and grunt out "Be out in a minute." But my mom doesn't take no for an answer. "You can finish that after breakfast," she said. If she knew how horny I was she'd know this was top priorty right now. I reluctantly get up, put on a pair of sweatpants on, wash my hands and walk out to the table with a more than obvious hard on. Sweatpants and 9.5" erections don't work together. I ate breakfast and grumpily did some chores.

Then around 1 pm I got a quick jerk off session in the bathroom, wasn't much but it counts. The afternoon dragged on. I spent most of it in my room watching TV. my bros and sisters went out, or to work and my mom went shopping. I took my pants off and decided that if i had nothing else better to do I'd jerk off again. So I'm going at it, almost there again, and i hear the front door open. I try to get off before they come into my room. Didn't happen. My mom came in with a couple shopping bags. She sat on the edge of the bed, me still slowly stroking myself, and told me she got me some new shirts and I should try them on. I sighed, put my pants back on and tried on my new shirts.

I tried jerking off again later that day only to be interupted by my sister Zoe. Who had to come in to get clothes before she went out that night.

Then I tried to start all over again after she left. Only to be walked in on again, this time it was my sister telling me to get dressed because we were going out for dinner. By this time I'm getting rather frustrated.

After getting home from eating i go straight to my room. I was determined to get off. Like those times, for both men and women, you masturbate but just can't seem to get off. But you keep going because you refuse to to give up. I was feeling like that, times a hundred.

I get in bed and tell myself I'm gonna jerk off and not stop until I get off, no matter what. It was gonna take a meteor shower or my apartment catching on fire to stop me. So I'm going at it and Zoe walks in and goes to bed. I figure I can still do it even though she's in a bed not far from me. I continue until she says "Landon! Knock it off I'm trying to sleep." I grunt "Almost done."

It was like seeing the finish line of a marathon. I finally came, finally had a decent, complete, masturbation session.

Way to much work to get one masturbation session in.

Haha... my mom's a stripper

ok... not really... but she was last night...

She and this Damian guy at work have been friends for a while... He had a hard-on for her for a while... My mom's in her 40s and he's like 22 or 23 or some shit... anyway... they work together and the only thing that's stopped them from hooking up the past 3 or 4 months is because he is engaged... last night was his bachelor party and instead of his friends getting an actual stripper they went and got my mom....

So my mom got home plastered at like 4 am last night wearing whore-heels and literally nothing else... so, from the party to the car, then from the car all the way up to the apartment she was walking around naked with just heels, a purse and a handful of clothes....

So at like 4 something, like 30 minutes after a friend of mine left my mom comes stumbling in, completely naked, and I have to help her to her bedroom.... which is kinda creepy, being that close to your mom when she's naked and drunk... but i got her to her bed, tossed her on it... she's been nursing a hangover all day so I haven't gotten any details... I dunno how far she went with Damian, knowing her like I do, him being engaged wouldn't stop her...

anyway... I thought it was funny... she'll probably blog about tomorrow sometime on her blog The Indescretional if you wanna check it out then... if not, i'll try to pry some details from her...

***UPDATE***
Turns out she didn't drive home... just got a ride from some guy...
***UPDATE 2***
By the way, we have no idea where her car is lol...

Landon's Penis Paradox

A guys' penis is his best friend and worst enemy all rolled into one fleshy package. It seems like I'm locked into Duality between me and my penis. I am rather large (9.5 inches), but not the largest out there. With my big penis there is a large list of pros and cons. Having a big dick isn't always as great as people may think, sometimes I do wish I had an average sized dick. So as part one of Landon's Penis Paradox, I'll list the good, the bad, and the ugly (my penis is pretty, in case you were wondering lol) about the trials and tribulations of large penis ownership and all that comes with it.


Pro: Curiosity
All women have heard "bigger is better." Whether it's talking to their friends or something on TV they've heard it plenty of times. It depends on the girl (and sometimes the guy) whether or not bigger actually is better or not. But when women hear it all the time they get curious. I can't count the number of times my female friends ask if its true. I of course tell them it depends on a lot of factors. But they are still curious. If a girl sees a giant dick, they wonder what it'll be like. I've gotten laid many, many times thanks to a female's curiosity. I've taken it easy on them too, so those women who want to know if bigger really is better, have found out from me, that it is, sorry smaller guys.

Con: Self-Absorbedness
A lot of people think that guys with big dicks are self-absorbed or have egos big enough to plug up the hole in the ozone. Thats true to a point. I'm sure that I'm more confident that the majority of men, and sometimes my ego does get the better of me, but I don't walk around with a shirt that says "I'm better than you cuz I have a big cock" although that would be a great t-shirt idea... anyway... I don't go to parties or bars or whatever and expect to have sex with the first girl I see. I know it requires a lot more work than that. I also found out that self-deprecating humor works a lot better than bragging. And yes, I do brag about my endowment sometimes, which does turn a lotta girls off, but, like everyone, I'm not perfect. I am working on that aspect of my personality, trying to lower the ego, but at the same time keep the self-confidence, and like always there is a thin line between the two. I'd Say I'm tight-roping on that line and there's a strong wind blowing towards the cocky (no pun intended) side.

Pro: Flaccid Size
From what I'm told from female friends is that women really like looking at flaccid penises. Not as much as men like looking at tits, but still a lot. I know three girls who have been more interested in my flaccid penis than the erect version. A lot of women say that a man standing naked with a flaccid penis is sexier than a man standing naked with a hard on. They like the look of it, they like to play with it and watch/feel it get hard. This situation is great for us larger men. Smaller flaccid penises aren't as sexy to women, but it all comes down to how big you are hard, no woman is gonna want to have sex with a floppy wang no matter how big it is.

Con: Semen
Another one of my physical aspects is the amount of cum I release during orgasm. Its a lot. If I've had sex a lot that week, or that day, it'll be less since it needs time to replenish, but most of the time its way too much. If you've ever seen a Peter North cum shot, think of that, plus 20%. Thats usually the amount that comes out. There are times where I felt dehydrated after I came, no kidding. The problem with that is, if you ask any guy what they'd most like to do with their sperm at the end of a session they'll say facial or cumming in a girl's mouth. The amount I cum can easily turn a girl off, hence the problem when I try to get them to let me cum on their face or in their mouth, which I find wildly sexy.

Pro: Bulge
All women, whether they admit it or not, are crotch watchers. Some do it often, some very rarely. The more skilled and experienced crotch watchers can glance at a guy's bulge, or lack thereof, for a split second and accurately judge how big their dick is and usually come within a 1/2 inch of the actual size (my mom is one of those experienced crotch watchers, weird). I have a very nice bulge, and I have caught many women taking a look. I can't be angry, after all, I've been caught looking at cleavage. But, I don't dress in bulge-highlighting jeans for it to not be noticed, just like (most) women don't dress in cleavage & breast enhancing tops and bras for them not to be noticed. The best thing about it, is when a woman notices a nice bulge, the thoughts that guys want them to think start running through their head. Advantage: me.

Con: Condoms
Condoms are expensive. Or at least can be if you go through 5-10 of them per week like me.Even more expensive are the extra large condoms. I have a big penis, so obviously I'm gonna use it as much as I can. The problem is that it puts a serious, serious dent in my paycheck every week. But then, I'm sure a child or STD vaccine would also put a serious dent in someone's wallet.

Pro & Con: The Verbal Response
When a girl sees a giant dick in front of her there is one of three basic responses. The first is the con, the "There is no way you're putting that in me!" response. (Contrary to popular belief) The average penis length, erect, is 5 1/2 inches. Most women when talking about their past lovers, and men talking about themselves, round it up to 6 inches through embarassment or not being an expert on length estimates. The rule of thumb is give or take a half inch unless you actually get a ruler out and measure. The "There is no way you're putting that in me!" response is used by two types of women in my experiences, the ones who have been with larger guys and know that it hurts and the women who've never been with anyone over 5 inches and are relitively scared that the giant penis would rip them apart. When I get responses like this, I'm lucky to get a handjob out of the deal.

Then there's the "Isn't that about average?" response. That response comes from women who have never seen a penis before, have only seen larger ones, or only know pornstar penises.

FInally the "Oh my god, gimmie gimmie!" response. More common than the second response, but less common than the first. This response usually comes from the size queens or girls who know they're gonna have a good time.

I've gotten a rather even amount of both the first and third responses.

An awkward day at the mall

In my first blog, I mentioned how I almost got arrested because a mall's rent-a-cop thought I had hidden something in the front of my pants and was taking it out of the store, when in reality I just had a hard-on.

I also said I'd explain more about that incident later. *Looks at watch* It's almost later....

wait a little bit longer....

Almost time... be patient...

3..2..1.. and its later...

So me and my oldest (half) sister Anna were at the mall looking for something to get my mom for her birthday, my mom's difficult to shop for. She's one of those people who, when you ask her what she wants, she'll just say "Oh, nothing" or "Whatever's fine." And ya can't not get something for a family member's birthday. So it usually takes all seven of my siblings and myself to brainstorm exactly what to get her. Luckily she's happy with whatever we get her. Last Christmas, two of my siblings got her the same exact sweater, and she was like "Alright, no if one gets stained or ripped I'll always have a spare." But I guess it a good thing that she's so positive.

Anyway, me and Anna were in a woman's clothing department because we remembered that my mom said she never has anything to match her khakis. So we decided to get her a couple blouses to go with them.

Enter rent-a-cop. I was standing there with my sister, half embarrassed that I was the only guy in a woman's clothing store, the other half of me was trying to listen to my sister. Then the 40-something mall security guard comes waltzing in and starts talking to the lady at the register. Trying to flirt or something. He had this really annoying nasally laugh. He laughed at something and i looked up at him like "what the fuck?" the guard stopped laughing and looking at me all suspiciously.

Now, I'm not saying all police/guards/whatever are bad, but I've always had a problem with authority. I don't break a lot of crimes, in fact, the only thinks I could get in trouble for in the past year was jaywalking or being nude in public (another story for another time lol). But something about the way authority figures look at ya, and when they break up parties when the could be stopping a murderer about to strangle a random person, it just annoys me.

I was looking at him, he was looking at me. It was like the staring contests two bull elks have before they fight to find out who's strong enough to have offspring with the only female elk within a mile. Except there wasn't any kind of reward in it for us.

I broke the stare first (I guess I lost) because a sexy late 20's, early 30's mom walked in with her 3 or 4 year old daughter. I went from staring showdown, to "Look! MILF!" She was this sexy little blond girl who's bodyweight must have been 50% boobs. Needless to say I found something far more interesting to check out.

Now, don't take this as bragging, but fully erect my dick is 9 1/2 inches, on a nice warm day I might be 9 3/4, maybe 10. And it doesn't take me much to reach a fully erect state. I mentioned in a different blog that I'm hard 80% of the time. So a hot MILF walking in was gonna set the alarm off eventually.

So there I am, 3 feet from my sister who is handing me shirts while I'm checking out this chick who is telling her daughter to stay near by. And i can feel the blood start pumping to my dick and i feel it rubbing up against the fabric of my underwear as it gets bigger. I don't mind showing off my luggage, but something seemed extra perverse about getting a hard-on in a women's clothing store.

I'm trying to turn my attention to the clothes, all the while trying to will my dick to go down. Then the lady at the register and the MILF walk to the dressing rooms which are just rooms you can see into from the clothing area, with a white door for privacy. The register lady unlocks the white door for the MILF and she, her daughter, and an arm full of bras and shirts 2 sizes too small for her go into the change room.

I'm there, at half mast, trying not to think about the fact that the MILF is getting naked in there. My sister notices my boner, laughs, and starts going through more clothes. We grew up in a little apartment together, little if any privacy, so her seeing me with a hard on stretching my jeans out is not something new.

Then I hear the MILF say "Hey, get back here young lady." I look up and sure enough her daughter is walking out of the change room, and the MILF is bent over with her massive boobs freely hanging out with no shirt, no bra. Hey, free nudity, I guess women's clothing shops aren't so bad after all. There was even an awkward eye contact moment between me and the MILF, for the split second I could get my eyes off her rack. She even flashes a coy little smile as if to say "Yeah, they are nice huh?"

So, by this time, I'm sporting a full 9.5 inch (maybe even 9.75) hard-on. My pants aren't exceptionally tight, but I like wearing rather tight pants so I can show off a nice bulge because, as much as they like to deny it, women crotch watch just as much as men stare at breasts.

My dick's rather uncomfortable at this time, so I undo the top button and unzip my jeans to shove my dick down the legs of my boxer-briefs and down to nearly the knee of my jeans. I, of course, do this behind a rack of clothes, and some added cover contributed by my sister, so no one sees (sorry to any women who bought a shirt that may have accidentally made contact with my wang lol. But I immediately came to the realization that a guy in a women's clothing store, who just saw the tits of some woman when the change room came open, and then sticks his hands down his pants looks like he's masturbating. I look up at the security guard just as he's turning his head. Was he looking at me? Or was he trying to get one last glimpse of the MILF? Who knows.

My sister holds up a couple shirts and asks me which ones to get (like I can focus on clothes at this point) I just randomly pick two, and she agrees with one, and gets a different one out of the rack. Then she says she's ready to go.

I don't know about most guys, but I have a hard time walking when my dick's acting like a splint on my right leg. So I tell her to wait until my dick goes down. She sighs, but agrees and goes to the on wall of the clothing shop where they stock designer shampoos and conditioners and other bathy goodness.

A few minutes, 5 or 6, go by and my sister comes back with two huge bottles of shampoo. Like family sized shampoo. She asked me if Little Landon went back to sleep, I shake my head, its still hard as a rock. She complains that her and her husband Matt have to go to dinner in an hour so I'll have to get going anyway. So we (slowly) walk up the the register. she places the bottles and shirts down as the MILF comes out of the dressing room. Great. That's not gonna help matters any.

We're waiting while there's some problem with the register, something to do with a key. I'm too busy trying to look down the register lady's shirt, worrying about the MILF behind us, and trying to keep my dick from bursting out of my jeans like Superman breaks outta phone booths. In the corner of my eye I see the rent-a-cop, i see his head moving from the desk where the register is, to the front of my jeans, back to the items near the register, back to my jeans. Then after we get the damn key problem figured out, my sister pays the lady and we start heading out, the rent-a-cop grabs my arm.

"Forget to pay for that?" he says pointing at my dick. Was that some kind of gay come on? I have no problem with gay guys, they hit on me all the time, a compliment is a compliment no matter who its from. But pointing to my dick and asking me if I paid for it is a really forward pick-up line, or claiming that I've had a lot of dick enhancement surgery, which would be awfully rude.

"Uh... no..." I say, still trying to wrap my head around his ice breaker.

He pulls me back in the store and tells the register lady that I stole something and put it in front of my pants. This cracks my sister the fuck up.

I try to tell him I didn't steal anything but not use any of the keywords like "dick" "cock" "boner" because the MILF and her daughter are nearby, and I didn't want a lawsuit.

So I use man-code, something all men know should know. "I didn't steal anything, its just that my soldier is standing at attention." "I didn't take a thing, I'm just, you know, pitching a tent."

He looks at me like I'm crazy.

So I whisper in his ear "I have a hard-on that won't go down."

He still looks at me like I'm crazy.

He goes "You shoved one of those shampoo bottles down your pants and are trying to steal it." What fucking guy steals shampoo? Besides Fabio when he can't get romance novel cover photoshoots to pay for it.

My sister chimes in "No, really, its his penis."

His penis must be rather small because he still doesn't believe me. He says "If that's the truth, why don't you go into the dressing rooms and show me?"

I look at him like he's crazy.

I give up and start walking towards the dressing rooms, mumbling about how this damn rent-a-cop wants to see my dick.

The register babe comes by with the key and unlocks it, I unzip my pants, whip it out and the half-cop looks at it like "daaaaayum."

Satisfied, I put to horse back in the corral, zip up, and head out. You can still see the outline of my dick in my jeans as I still haven't found a place that it looks "normal." I walk by the register lady, and she's looking at me like I'm still stealing something. She goes "Hey! Stop!" and the guard goes "No its ok... he was... telling the truth, he didn't steal anything." Which made the register lady go "oh... OOOOOOH!"

Then, a few days later when my mom opened up her presents Anna says "Mom, you'll never believe what Landon had to go through to get you that present." And the story was shared again, and a week later my mom told one of her friends, a week later it was retold, and so on, and so on.

Needless to say, I'm probably never going back to a women's clothing store again lol...